A letter to my partner: My abusive ex told me I could never be loved the way you love me

I know it’s not easy for you to be with someone like me.

I have so many issues with my health that if I was an animal, I probably would have been put to sleep by now. Regardless of having to push me around in my wheelchair because my upper body isn’t strong enough yet, dealing with my irrational outbursts, random bouts of crying and sometimes waking you up to comfort me, and all the other crap I’ve put you through because you’re the closest person to me – all of that and you still care for me and love me unconditionally.

My abusive ex told me I could never be loved the way you love me. I thought you’d run as fast as you could once I told you everything, but you didn’t. You held me as I cried and made sure I knew it wasn’t my fault.

I thought you’d run after spending Valentine’s  Day in A&E because I’d overdosed, and I know that was pure hell for you – but you stayed. You stroked my hair and held my hand, and never blamed me for the effects of my illnesses. It’s been five years of love, ten years of friendship and a decade of support.

You know every secret, every flaw and still you stay. You have your own problems too, and I always worry that they’re overshadowed by my constant stream of crazy but you never fail to assure me that I’m not neglecting you.

I still worry, but you make the guilt sound like the annoying little voice that it is.

You never fail to yell at an idiot who cuts me up in my chair, make me laugh when someone’s said something horrid about my condition and watch sad movies with me even though we both know I’ll cry.

I know my crying hurts you, but I’m an emotional little burrito and it means the world that you take it in stride. You protect me from an un-accepting world, and sometimes from myself.

You’re there for my family whenever they need you, you pick up the slack where I can’t. You and your family accept me as I am, and always make me feel at home when we’re miles away. You are a special kind of person that’s all too rare, you have your grumpy moments (mainly when you’re tired or hungry) but you always do your best to make sure I know it’s not my fault.

If it is my fault, you tell me honestly and without judgment and help me fix it, because we both know I’ll obsess about it otherwise.

You help me keep my independence, dragging me out of bed when I need it, encouraging every idea and helping me socialise when I need it.

You still let me be a duvet burrito when you know I need it, you bring me food and make sure I eat even if I don’t want to.

Honestly, you deserve a medal, or at least a cookie, for all you do for me. It’s hard with declining health and the feeling of my future evaporating before me, but you make the bad days worth bearing telling me that the sun will always rise again tomorrow.

I know you hate reading long things, so sorry about that – but you know I ramble like an old person at a bus stop. I wish more people could be as accepting and loving as you are, you think you’re nothing special but you’re the best partner anyone could wish for.

I love you, and I promise to always strive to be as wonderful to you as you are to me.

Words by Rachael Elizabeth

Author: ramborachii

22. South Wales born and raised, watching TV is how I spend most of my days.

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