You want to know the worst part of losing your mother at a young age?
At just age 12 I was faced with one of the worst experiences of heartache of my life, which made me crumble into a thousand pieces.
The loss of my mother had a huge impact on me and my life physically and mentally.
I lost my mum to an extreme form of various different cancers for which she battled against for 8 years. I then had to grow up without her and live with all boys. How was I going to survive this? How was I going to learn about all of the things I hadn’t learned about yet?
Who was I going to speak to about all of my girl problems? Boyfriend problems? Who was going teach me how to do this or how to do that?
I couldn’t speak to my brothers or my dad about certain things, for they were too embarrassing. It’s then I knew my life would never be the same without my mum next to me for the rest of my life.
Was a life without my mum worth living? Living without a mother was like a sea without water. Empty.
Every step I took felt like a marathon. I felt as if grief was my only friend and I was never going to get past it. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, and when I eventually went back to school after 3 months of grieving I couldn’t get my head down.
I went from being quiet in school to constantly playing up, getting thrown out of my lessons, not turning up to my lessons and sending my education down-hill.
This wasn’t me. It wasn’t what my mum would have wanted.
I was getting upset and frustrated. I needed to speak to someone that wasn’t a boy. I needed my mum back.
The pain of it all was ripping me apart.
I just thought to myself, how am I ever going to feel right again? When will I get my life back?
It’s then I realised that I could speak to my dad and brothers about the things I would have asked my mother.
Why would they judge me? Why should I get embarrassed? They were there for me for a reason.
Losing my mum taught me how to look after myself, how to do things by myself, to grow up faster than the other people my age, become the mother of my house as living with boys isn’t the easiest.
From that I’ve learned how to be the person I am today. Nothing will change the pain that comes from living a life without her, but knowing she’s beside me every step I take makes it that bit more easier.
Don’t give up, it’s true when they say it gets hard before it gets easier. You just need to give yourself time and have patience.